We're back!

In my last post,I totally forgot to mention that when we went backpacking,we didn't brush our teeth for a whole day and night.You still love me a lot,right?You can make it sparkly clean in the morning but the colour is going to transmute back to yellow anyway.Uhh,I brush my teeth(generally speaking).
A'right so,today is Sexy Na?'s(Radhika Saxena) interludial day which comes back every 365 days,(read:Budday!Budday!) which reminds me,that I don't even have one.It's like those beauty products-got a manufacturing date and an expiry date.Nobody used this date to celebrate the presense of an unearthly person.I mean it's such a dormant date,nobody cares.It's only so much useful to me as a dead fish is to the sea.Why is it only a bunch of lucky homo sapien's prerogative to blow candles over a cake?This is insane!This is bigotry!

Let me see,when was the last time I really had a birthday?Ohh,I have seen photos of it,I look only a foot long,dazed,because I wasn't aware that it's a celebration.My mother used to at least bake cakes for me seven years back,but now,she'll be like "Ohh,you're so old,you don't need one."And my dork friends will say,"Ohh shit,can we shift it tomorrow?I really gotta meet my boy friend today(who is the dad of our generation)."

YOU CANNOT SHIFT BIRTHDAYS OK?It is not only free food,it's an overflow of emotions.It's like my parents met,and on this day that had me.I bet they regret it secretly and sometimes loudly.

And you know that I'm mother nature but I cannot do anything about the depletion of tigers,a'right?Not now at least.

Project Tiger is almost as old as I am and still tigers manage to die illegally.Instead of text messaging me,let the forest officials know that you have noticed that their houses are made of teak,mahogany and that you have a feeling that they hid a tiger's head or say a rhinoceros' head in the locker,and that their oh-so-pretty-fucked-up-rotund-will-implode-any-moment wife carries an illegal crocodile skin bag.I know a few of them,fathers of my I-shall-not-call-them-friends.They think I shouldn't be alive within a range of 2km radius around their house.It's unholy!I can insult almost as comfortably as I can breathe.I don't blow my own trumpet because I don't have one.

What does it take to not wear a leopard skin dress?It's not like you're pretty,well if you should know,you're excruciatingly ugly and that crocodile skin bag you carry,hates your very baneful touch and that beaver fur around your neck,well it only makes me say that you look better as a beaver than the beaver itself does.

I and this particular senior were discussing Delhi females and we evolved a theory that works for most,not exactly evolved because it was always there,steady.If you see a girl,you need to ask yourself a few question to know if that girl had been manufactered and brought up in Delhi or not.

Straight hair?Check.
Fair?Check.
Girly clothes(REALLY GIRLY)?Check.
Painted nails?Check.
Never looks better or worse?Check.
Has only one expression on her face?Check.
Looks the splitsvilla kind?Check.
Hugs her girl friends 50 times a day?Check.
Congratulations!You found your Delhi girl of dreams!

*I have this syndrome of invective speech,sorry.In case,you're all that is mentioned above^^I don't exist,sorry.

Like what the senior said,you have two types of jeans in your wardrobe-one that fits you well and a baggy one.When you're happy,you wear the nicer one and when you're sad,you wear the baggy one,so you look different on different days,but Delhi girls have got the same kind of clothes,so they only look good,never better or worse.

This man,whatever his name maybe,he gave me an insight into the lives of men.Well all I can say is,if females are bitches,males are male-bitches.Equality.

Ohh,incase you're into reading translated stories,the translation of Manto's stories by Aatish Taseer is way better than
Khalid Hassan's or Harish Trivedi's translations.

Dictionary:Asphalt-Blame the donkey.
Byeeee!

I had to ransack my brain to guess my password because the last time I logged in here,was when I just began college,and
I'm on the verge of passing my first year now(I think).My college has a psuedo crowd,who likes you because you wore oh-so-
pretty a dress or because you've got oh-so-fake an accent,because you know a lot of people there who're like you,no matter
how dumb she/he maybe.Not cool.At all.They're all little barbie dolls.Secretly,I hate most.I DO NOT understand the way
cash spirals out of control.Now I have it,now I don't.The more I get to know humanity,the more I hate it.There's this
place,I call it Romantic because you have no idea,how it feels to be there alone at night,though I'm never alone there.
It's got a cheap burger selling restaurant on one side(it's my patent right to be there)and a railway track underneath.
The burger sellers know my face I think and have a strong feeling that I'm going to order a Don Burger.Funny name,yes.I
am a part of this music society,they're strong willed people,when they say practise,it means,practise till your throat
bleeds and your mind screams of boredom.I know my sentences are random but not that a serial post would matter much.
I went backpacking with a few people who have no sense of security whatsoever.But I liked it,it felt like I were a pauper.
Cold slices of leftover pizza for dinner.Unhealthy.The bus,utterly desolate,windows rattling like dentures of men who
are a century old,a rod in front you,which hits your head,the moment you fall asleep,free AC service even when unwanted...
pretty different from my luxurious trips with family.I have travelled alone for a quite a few times now and got immensely
bored all the time.Some unseen force seems to plan my trip with really retarded co-passengers.If it's a train,they'll be
old people,if it's a flight,they'll be sleepy foreigners.How much does it cost to just give a talkable handsome man?Ohh,
that reminds me that my room mate who's not exactly the brightest bulb around has a boy friend who texts her incessently.
Most of the time,she's in the next room in the Stupid Meet Of The Day(it's a very important meeting) and the SMS alert is
a whole song from God-knows-what movie.I think she's got a lop-sided face.My best friends are two dorks from a different
planet.A'right.Bye.

An important notice:I'm in college,so screw them who refer me to as 'the kid'.Hard to accept or whatever OR whatever!Plus point is,I might not eventually emerge as the 'she goes bi the way'.It doesn't come 'that' close to the paradise I always wanted to be in,blame the polls,yea somehow it's related with the figures that ruined my life.I should have seen that coming and switched over to CBSE.I wallow in self-pity,self-pity because I worked hard and I'm more fucked up than all of us together.Those who have the feeling of vengeance and [now]accomplishment are happy[I pray that you all end up with bloody impotents].Don't get me wrong,I'm NOT in a lousy college but I'm not in my dream-college either.
And ohh,a few days back I worte an essay somewhere about some blogosphere and narcissim and as I read my older posts,I know why I chose it over other viable options.
Sad part is,I'll have to sacrifice my niceties,fit myself and my things in a gloomy PG and fight with people for my share of oxygen.I'm not even excited anymore.Every night I plan to make a list of things I'll need and then go shopping the next day.I still am unplanned and I haven't shopped for a thing and I'm leaving on 12th.I demand my food,bed and pet!Why can't the benefits of being in a cool college co-exist with benefits of living a comfortable life?It's always been the same with me.I'll whine for something until I get it and then whine because I want to rid myself off it.Fact:I don't want to attend college.Why did you even read this post?

I can't solve the mystery of disappearing phone balance and I stopped poking fun at those people who talk on phone at night.I've joined their league.I talk from almost midnight and yawn sometime at 2.
A general idea of how my room looks like:
A bed without a bed cover so that I can 'plunge' in.Plunge because it has my denims,stacked newspaper of the whole week almost,'mah iPod','mah phone',umm..and Joseph and Myall.
My chairs,one has all the cushions of the other chairs,another has a heap of clothes and one has a bag.
'Mah table' has admission forms and the re-printed version of admission forms.My old man has gone bonkers and writes things like "EVE Purkayastha" beside "Name of the applicant" and makes me re-print the same sheet.I have three different types of passport and stamp sized photos because:one has a sad eyebrow,one has bad hair,and the other looks like a boho.Ohh wait,there's this book which I started reading with a lot of enthusiasm too:The Gita For the Youth.And occult books,yes.A few superstitions that go with me.And I have an upturned dustin,that was done so to trap roaches,there are two captives.Haw haw haw!
And jobless?Yes,very.

I made it a point to blog after I figured that my baby sister is growing up to be anything but me.And 'me' is a better option than the other 'me's in my village.This is a frustating issue for me,that she's fast turning into those I grew up hating(well...mostly all):She's being uber-idiotic.She changes the clothes of the sorority slut:Barbie dolls 10 times a day,she plays Hannah Montana and I just figured that her wardrobe shouts PINK!I know she's a kid,in my days I'd watch scoobie do,swat cats and Captain Planet and Jhonny Quest,yes.I mean those are way too presentable!Hannah Montana is okhay to watch,what's the point of playing it[read:applying make-up in her fucked up face].This is depressing!She's going to belong to the 'in crowd' soon,and the in crowd people figure out everything a decade later.
Mr.God is bigot!Murphy's Law applies to every friggin case in my life,why?What's so interesting in popping my tiny dream bubble.I mean why target me out of million others?Plus,I was in the blood donation camp last night with friends and we saw someone uber cute.This is diabolical because I have become an anti-crush machine,I'll make "^_^" faces but never seem to have a crush.WHY?
And I always seem to bump into the people I wanted to ignore all my life.They bring out the atavistic nature[refer to crude stone age emotions]in me the moment they open their mouth.Before sleeping at night,I actually stare at the mirror and prepare a set of monologues that I want to say when I see them,interestingly whenever I meet them,the ratio is always 1:6 and I look weak,my legs shake,my nerves break into convulsions,I ignore them,swallow my monologues and try to be invisible.Well,Achilles had only an ankle and my every other body part is an Achilles-ankle.And though my larynx and tongue is wholly under my discretion,I choose to shut up.
And something's really wrong with my dysfunctional family,their only topic of discussion is college.I mean whoa whoa people,I am as concerned and interested in grabbing the life that my school-people sucked out of me.Can we just not shut up for a nano-second?There's this weird and utterly dumb habit of my mother,whenever I commit an error,be it venial,she'll remind me what I did in class 4 and then in pre-kg.If there's one person,who can time travel,she SURELY can.One of these days,if I turn on the web cam and commit suicide like the many other wannabes,it won't be too surprising for anyone.I like this blog page,this is the only thing that lets me rant.

I hate humans.I really hate them.Waai?Something's terribly wrong with me.Even a Let's-lunch-together doesn't interest me.I'm a dole bledger.Waai?I want to stay at home,stare at the ceiliing until my eyes emit gamma rays,stare at every inanimated object and stay happy.Sometimes I stare at the same page of some random book for hours,I read but I don't see.Even if Jude Law had to stare at me with those sexiest eyes ever,I'd still be blank.I don't even talk,when someone's dying,I won't even want to know the cause.But I talk.to.my.dog.a.lot!So if one fine day he had to say Goodmorning,I wouldn't be surprised.I'm inactive,literally.Worse,I don't even sleep.But I know the theme songs of all the Hungama TV cartoon shows.And I keep calling Motagorilla a Motahati.It's a random character of some random cartoon.I speak only the blood diamond accent.Probably they'll start paying me the unemployment dole someday.I've become a fish,I stopped blinking altogether.It's not boredom.I like it this way.I plan to run away frequently but the choice of which clothes to carry decimates the whole plan,backed by the weather ofcourse.It rains when I don't feel romantic.Yea,humans.I hate all.The bad ones,the good ones more.And the mirror,ugh.

'Night!

WTF?

I can describe it with three words:what was that?

AND,don't laugh.

Nope,hide that smirk too.

*sorry for the inconvenience*

Did I mention that I have seen a dog farting,snoring and sleeping on his back and sneezing like a human?Now you know it.

Khay bye!