This Is How I Do It.

Correct.So this is how I go to school.
Today was some Naxalite's birthday.Happy Birthday!Every year we get a holiday on this day.Today we didn't.
My bus leaves at 8:00 a.m. Going to the bus stand takes 15 minutes.

7:45 a.m.
*still sleeping*
*phone rings*
U:hey we've got school or not?
Me:Umm..zzz...right.
U:we got to go to school??
Me:NO!Nobody went to school.
U:I think we'll have school,i'm pressing my clothes.
Me:nah!i'm sleeping,bye!

7:48 a.m.
Mum:You have school.The neighbour kid went away.
Me:right....WHO??WHAT???

But there was an option there,she could have asked me not to go to school because there was no way that I'd make it to the bus stand on time.But no,she pressed my clothes,gave me a cup of pomegranate juice in a square shaped cup[wtf?].Before that thing could make it to my mouth,it settled comfortable on my shirt.Wonderful!
We both shouted at each other,but she'd send me to school anyhow.My rascal sister feigned sickness and stayed back.*swears*
By the time,I was done[without taking a shower] it was 8:05 a.m. ....but I still had to go to school,innit?
So a neighbour gave me a ride on his 'tuk tuk tuk tuktuktuktuk..trrrr' kind of bike.That was the sound.I couldn't miss it,could I?
And I made it to school.
At school:
S:Someone just got up from the bed and came to school.
Me:STFU! *swears more*

So,this is how I do it.This is the art.This is it.

Moral:Kill the principal,kill the bus driver,kill the neighbour kid,celebrate everyone's birthday,tie your mom to a chair and lock the door,kick your sister on the day before the prospective holiday.Then sleep and quit talking to geek friends.

Doodle 8:I Do It Everytime,Ranju.So?

The bomb belongs to the deserving ass,in the world of Economic,NOW UNDERSTAND THIS!
BOP is ALWAYS balanced.I'll tell you why;because credit has to be equal to debit EVERY fucking time.When trade is carried on without considering the BOP account it's autonomous receipts[for me]and payments.When BOP>BOT,my relatively tolerant mouth can't shut the fuck up,only 'just' though.Hence to balance my trade,I shove up a bomb in your ass,and you blow up.That is accomodating capital outflow.Fair enough,my ears blew up because of your affinity towards 'you do it everytime.'
Someone mail my blog link to this inept,narcissist bitch!

Now only if I were a real millitant.Only Alice gets to comment here,I learnt up too much of Economics,eh?

The July Post:Tagged.

I am:I am an animal.I am a human.I don't see any difference between them.
I think:Frankly speaking,I don't think.Logically speaking,I can't!
I know:That you can't match upto my calibre.
I want:A my driving license,please!Daddy are you reading?
I have:A dysfunctional family. :P
I wish:That the wishes upon a shooting star would come true.
I hate:R.P.
I miss:Papa.
I fear:Reptiles.
I feel:That it'd be best if I'd get to be an Empress of any sort.
I hear:Ranjita's bullshit.No one listens to her anyway.
I smell:Shadow and Royal Mirage and Jovan,for this month atleast!
I crave:For a date? =/
I search:For an adventurous date?
I wonder:If I'll even get to see Egypt.
I regret:Going to school.
I love:Papa.Period
I ache:For Shillong,right now.
I am not:The person who you want to be like.
I dance:NEVER.
I sing:In the bathroom.
I cry:Never in public[M,are you reading this?]
I don't always:Crack laughable jokes.
I fight:With bullies.
I write:Stories and dissertations for school.
I win:Arguments.
I lose:My temper mostly.
I never:Hit anyone.
I always:Balance.
I confuse:People confuse me.
I listen:To nothing that Syrup will be interested in.
I can usually be found:In school mostly! :(
I need:MY OWN CAR!
I am happy about:Whatever is happening,right now.
I imagine:Nice things that aren't presentable,else I'd be Salman Rushdie.
I tag:M and Sammok.

Happy Golden Jubilee To Blog Babe!

This is the 50th post,happy golden jubilee,blog babe.Here take a piece of cake,babe.Got no money to buy champagne,babe,don't ditch me for that petty an issue,please!

Conversations:
M:Ah poor you,harmless creature!
Me:*nods*
M:aye and stingless too.
Me:*nods*Hybla Bees.
Us:*Loafs*

So if you got a hint(which obviously you didn't,know-it-all) I wasn't talking today,I just fucking couldn't talk!I can cut myself from talking,but not bickering about laughable issue[read:human masterpieces].So I carried a notebook and a pen to write down comments AND today we bade farewell to Sr.Sheena,aha!what an oppurtunity to scrutinize the farewell program and write down pages of criticism.If you say that critics are generally a group of people who don't know how to do something,you are absolutely right,those dumbasses just don't know how to criticize at all!How disappointing!
So I'm typing down a few comments off my notebook.
On the Tamil song(no offence meant,but since I don't know a thing about this language,the song sounded outright funny to me):They are saying the same word throughout or what?
On the song "Seasons in the sun" by class 10[read:idiots]:
Me(at the starting):It's as exciting as unwrapping gifts-this song.
M:It's nt DAT "hard to die" if you are listening to it(if you don't know,the lyrics goes like Goodbye my friend,'it's hard to die')
On the suitcase gifted to her:Suitcase symbolizes,"Pack up and move on,baby!"
On our appalause at her entry:Vottay cunning plan!We are clapping because it is her Farewell Day!
On Sr.Margarette's "Bye Bye Sheena,I love you and I'll miss you" speech:
M:Sali hypocrite!(OMG!ROTFLMFAO!)
When bored:
M:According to Babylon(the teacher who was anouncing)we'll miss her @ home,can u guess wen?
Wen I'm flushing the toilet!(oh yea!and potty too,such a potty woman!)
When bored to the core(Topic:Some random man,what else is interesting during those moments?):
Me:They are kameena because they lose their insight with their eyesight!
M:Hmm.
Me:It's generally noobs who beat us in this game!
M:Fuck!I never noticed!
When Sheena starts singing a song:
U:We are listening to poorly composed opera.Tch tch.

Okhay so that was it,Sheena's song is the kind that is appropriate for the item "Ghost Ballet" by Ghost Dukhiyari Bhatakti Huyi Aatma for "Sssh,Phir Koi Hai".
Just because I wasn't talking everyone else started acting-talking like me.See my power?And when I said a word instead of writing by chance,they were like,"OMG!You are talking!"
Well,biologically speaking,I possess a vocal chord so I can't pretend to be dumb 24*7.
Incase you are thinking,I'm a new born baby who's learning to talk,well,I'm not.
No,not even a dare.
I fucking chewed up my tongue and lips while chewing dinner,innit?

Doodle 8:Crushed.

And what happens if you see someone uber-cool?

This is the second...errm...romantic fling.The first wasn't a fling,or a bad choice,or a case of getting ditched or ditching or the term called relationship for that matter.Nothing was wrong there except myself.I have never embarassed myself so much in my life and I donot regret it.Also,i have learnt not to learn from my past mistakes so I haven't forgotten anything,haven't moved on,haven't cursed,etc.

So,whatever,this is the second.The difference is,he is beyond the coolest limit of appearing cool.You'll feel like being in a deep freezer,he's tall,he's much older than me and we don't know each other and are never going to see each other.

He wore a decent shirt with green[a nice soothing green] pinstripes all over,nice jeans.He wore his pants on his waist well above his *ahem* dick. :D No bling.A watch and a cigar in his hand,the other had a malboro packet.Clean shaven.Fair.Nice hair,unkempt though..AND HE IS THE COOLEST BONG I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!Literally,i mean it!He is a bong i know it,his face said it and his friend's face also said it.In all probability his surname is Sen or Bannerjee or Chatterjee or...Purkayastha.Generally,people with those surnames look a li'l too different.He's 20-21 years old...i guess.Roughly,he looked like this.


I drooled at him for 5 whole minutes,maybe with my tongue out,saliva dripping down,like a hungry dog.But I didn't do it first,I was staring at crow which looked electrocuted and then I turn around and see that some uber-cool person is staring.For all i know,it must have been the crow that he was staring at,but I'm just pleased to have seen him face to face.I thanked the crow and thanked God,even 15 seconds will work out fine,I swear!Possibilities are,I'll never see him again,he's committed,he wants to be a priest,I'll be a nun,everyone else will go to pubs,everyone!Fraands,friends,best friends,cousins,neighbours,best neighbours,dumbass classmates,don classmates,digital friends,digital love,digital brother,biological sister,possibly my doggie too,every friggin person i'm associated with.
D'oh!Please good Lord,let the image stay behind for a few more days,please!Only a few more days.

Nice dreams,I've been getting but the face gets blurred with each day passing by.

Khay,bye.

Signed with love,forever true.-J

Doodle 7:Matter Of Fact.

ALL TEACHERS ARE GODAMMED NARCISSIST SADISTS!!

and to encapsulate the bad day,it started off with those cyclonic rains.It must have been raining like mad in Darj. since it was freaking cold here and thanks to my typical authoritarian mum and geek friends,I didn't bunk school.My mother never asked me NOT TO ATTEND SCHOOL,infact if I had 2 seconds left to live life,she'd rather make me spend that time immersed in books,IN SCHOOL!I called my geek friend.It went like this:

Me:Hallo?Going to school.

Geek:My mother is asking me not to go....but

Me:Yea whose butt?

Geek:We'll miss maths class.

Me:#%*@ you!

So I go to school,get a seat next to the window and when I stand up,for a few seconds my ass feels damp and skirt feels wet.I thought I had peed.And the butt never dried neither the skirt.I've had goosebumps all day long,yearning for a blanket.Half of the class was empty,so the teachers exempted us from teaching.My eyelids rallied for a shutdown.Then S insisted that we go to watch Chronicles of Narnia.I come back home,get my butt dried and ring mum to ask if she'd let me go.Everything was set,I just had to enquire if my Maths tutor could teach some other day instead of today and he says,No,you can't go.It's a wonderful day to solve problems,exactly,solve mine,just teach some other day.Today we'll solve nice questions,Ooooh!I'm so excited!!BUT if you want to go,I don't have anything to say.Okhay I get it.
So I get the plan cancelled,today was the last date,no Narnia for me.
ALSO,I have been wanting to talk to a few people godammed much...but cold wars prevent me.So today I mugged up that the antonym of love is indifference,not hate.
Oh wait,I almost missed something,last night,I prepared to watch the soccer match between Germany and Portugal and my cable connection walked right out on me,NOBODY dumped me that bad!Those are the times when I think thoda aur wish karo,dish karo.

Okhay bye,may you share the same fate as mine.
Indifference,
J.

Autobiography:Not A Hyperbole.

You'll never aspire to be me and will preach that to your kids too.For some supercalifragilisticexpialidocious(phew!spacebar is working a'right!) situations which always has me as the central character.Why?Good Lord?Why me of all?

Friend:Have you read Love Story,Jubs?

Me:and since when have you started reading?

Friend:Did you read it,Jubs?

Me:No.why?

Friend:Really,NO?!?

Me:A 'REALLY' no.

Friend:Eat Shit!

I read this love story named 'Love Story'.In the class.Reading...reading and still reading,now giggling a little too.Reading the 'physical initmation' scene.....and then the teacher sees a book with a lot of hearts in the cover,in my hand,a rare situation and demands to see it.Very nice,Jubs,eat shit!Turns to read the very page that I was reading,aha!physical intimacy!Die,Jubs,just die!I just keep pretending that I'm invisible,that no one can see me.M almost dies laughing beside me.What's so horrendously funny anyway?Buddha loves and Jesus saves.The teacher is some unmarried young lady and it was a free period.The last time I got caught reading a book was in Maths class,which wasn't a free period(which never is a free period)and he didn't return the book for almost a month.Everyone has her own idiosyncratic way to cope up with different situations,mine-laugh till you get tears.

Question:What kind of future do you dream for your coutry?

What others have said:I want India to be the richest country,don't want no shitty terrorism in it,don't want no poverty in it,don't want no bad politics in it.I want India to be the best country.

What I wrote:I want India to be hygenic,so that next time when I read a book written by an American which mentions India,it necessarily isn't linked to having given the protagonist a diarrhoea.Nothing funny,even there.I really want it that way.

Tea:What is a simple sentence?

The best possible answer:There are three kind of sentences-simple,complex and compound.Now beat that!

The best possible reply to that:Impressive non sequitur,smarty pants!Write down impositions,NOW!

The best possible answer back on your mind:How cogent,Watson!

The few messages that I receive daily in my Gracious Phone:
1.Bitch XD.Vaaary funny!
2.I'm alive!
3.you know the rest,sweet cake,why don't you just cooperate and send some 'I love you'?When will you ever learn to cooperate,you bastard?when?

Bottomline:You don't want to be me,honey,never!You won't even want to send a 'I love You' message to me.But don't fuck off,anyway.

Cheerio!